They Took My Joy

The bullying started in 3rd grade. I was at a school that had the motto “The school where everyone cares!” I learned a little to quickly that, that wasn’t the case. My 3rd grade teacher pointed her ruler at me and said “You are unteachable!”. After that, I was bullied for wearing a bra, one girl shouted on the blacktop “You have a bra!” “You have a bra!”. In 4th grade, I was in a group chat with my “friends”. Who sent a message about their birthday party, when I asked about it. I was told I was selfish and that no one wanted me there. By the time I was upset and they said “Why don’t you just shut up and go watch a movie!” The first part hurt so much. By this time, my parents were splitting up and my father was getting made fun (also me) because he worked at the toilet paper factory on the other end of town. 5th grade, everything was different. I was just made fun of for being me. 6th grade, brought self harm and people making fun of me for more than one thing. For always keeping to myself. I sadly can’t remember much of what i’m about to tell you, i don’t know how old i was, what these peoples names were. All i know is that, i was playing truth or dare and one of them was forcing their hand in between my legs. Which only brought my self esteem down so much. When i transferred to my private school for 6th and 7th grade. I figured out things. That im pansexual, and i might be transgender or non-binary. Which only made matters worse. My math teacher, was tutoring me one day and i was up doing a problem at the board and i heard a an iPad camera go off. I never told an adult. The teacher was a good guy. It now continues as I’m in 8th grade, with slurs like “tranny” and “fagg#t” I will enter high school with emotional trauma from other experiences I won’t write about